You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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