Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
