i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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