I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
