I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
