so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
