After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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