I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
