you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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