Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
