clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he thought i was a dude.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
