it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
