Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
