haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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