remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
