At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
