so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
