call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
