unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
