walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
