oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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