More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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