Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
