k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
