"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
