covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
