Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
