idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
