I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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