i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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