I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
