and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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