i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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