dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
