Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
