Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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