So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
