If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
