Can i not drive my cunt home
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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