i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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