Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
