So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
