i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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