To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Come share oat with me in your robe
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
