her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
