i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
