you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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