So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
