he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
