she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
time to smoke my breakfast
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
