Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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