Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
