I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
