Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
