If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My balls are so social today.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
