looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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