It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
